From A Police Officer To A Thief (Read)
LUSAKA Banking has gone digital worldwide, but Zambia has just introduced a new, lightning-speed withdrawal system, Constable Emmanuel Tembo, 35, who recently demonstrated that you don’t need an ATM card when you’ve got an AK47 and Lilayi sprinting skills.
On Monday evening, Zanaco Civic branch staff witnessed what they described as a “Netflix Original” when Tembo politely knocked on the bulk room door, entered with full confidence, and walked out with a bag containing K622,483. According to one shocked cashier, “He didn’t even fill in the withdrawal slip!”
Witnesses report that the constable, previously known for guarding money, suddenly got promoted to Chief of Personal Loans, Self-Service Department.
The Escape
Tembo then demonstrated to onlookers the real reason police train in physical drills evading SwissGuard security guards like a character from Grand Theft Auto: Lusaka Edition. Eyewitnesses claim he ran so fast, “not even Airtel Money could track him.”
The Taxi Twist
Hours later, in a bizarre plot twist, a 24-year-old taxi driver at Shimabala was handed a suspicious bag by a random man fresh off a minibus. The mystery man said, “Deliver this to Officer Mtonga at the Toll Plaza.” Problem: Mtonga hadn’t worked there in ages. (Classic Zambian directions.)
Inside the bag? Not millions. Instead, Tembo had carefully packed his AK47, 30 bullets, and a neatly folded police uniform because, even on the run, fashion matters.
The Aftermath
Police have since opened a docket for “Theft by Public Servant (a.k.a. Early Pension Scheme)” and launched a manhunt for Zambia’s newest financial innovator. Sources say Interpol is already drafting a warrant titled: “Wanted for inventing the world’s fastest loan repayment avoidance strategy.”
Bank staff are still traumatized, but one insider admitted: “Honestly, he moved smoother than our mobile app. Maybe Zanaco should hire him as Head of Operations once he’s done hiding.”
